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Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen
www.addic7ed.com
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How cool is it that they found the
remains of the feared pirate longshanks
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when they added that new parking lot?
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Hey, why'd they call him longshanks?
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Well, have you seen the man's shanks?
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Uh, I'm sure they're not that...
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Whoa.
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Bro, those are some pretty long shanks.
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I love pirate fest.
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A whole week of pirate fun, and it
drums up business for the wharf.
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Hey, uh, don't you think the
people that get so into it
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that they dress up are a little weird?
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No, I don't, Jack. I
think they're exactly...
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There be me scurvy dogs!
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Arrr!
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Yep, little weird.
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Rudy, I see you're really
into pirate fest, huh?
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You got the boots, the pantaloons...
Oh yeah, I even had Fred the barber
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duct tape a couple of hooks to my hands.
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What happens when you
have to go to the bathroom?
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I did not think this through.
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I'm back, and I got 'em.
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Milton, you muzzle Jerry,
I'll get the flea shampoo.
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What?!
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No, I don't have fleas again, guys.
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No, I got mama G's tamales.
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I went all the way to Arizona to
get 'em, and it was so worth it.
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Why would you go all the way to Arizona
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for some ground beef and soggy corn...
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Milton, where are you going?
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Arizona!
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Milton, relax. You're not going to Arizona.
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Ow!
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If I have to, I will take your arm with me.
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Okay okay.
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Never, ever come between
a man and his tamales.
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Be warned!
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This wharf is cursed!
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I hear that, you can't get a date either?
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300 years ago, a lunar
eclipse caused longshanks
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to crash into these very shores.
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Beware the eclipse.
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It returns tonight!
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And so will longshanks, to take revenge
on anyone found on this cursed wharf!
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Beware!
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Well, that was weird.
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Uh-oh.
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Hey, Jack, we've been friends
for a long time, haven't we?
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- Yeah.
- And you know I'd do anything for you.
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- Not gonna help you pee, Rudy.
- Mmm.
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Don't you get all tough with me
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I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me?
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And we could have a
ball, run up the wall
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that's just how we do
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and no matter how
much I chop and punch
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it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you
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here we go, let's start the party
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chop it up like it's karate
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everybody
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won't you come kick it with me?
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And we could have a
ball, run up the wall
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that's just how we do
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and no matter how
much I chop and punch
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it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you.
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Hey, Rudy, that old fisherman
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yapping about the pirate
curse spook you at all?
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Please, I am a grown
man. I don't get scared.
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(High-pitched scream)
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Ty, what are you doing here?
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I had to take a second job.
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Oh, so the rumors are true.
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That's right, I had hair removed from
some places and added to others.
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Were your eyebrows at
one time your pit hair?
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No, they were not.
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What kind of a freak do you think I am?
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I was talking about the rumors that
the black dragon dojo might close.
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It's no secret a lot of your students
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- are now my students.
- That's right.
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Old Ty has fallen on some hard times.
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And if you want to kick me while I'm down
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and it makes you feel like bigger men...
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(Crying) Then you go right ahead.
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Look, Ty, we're not
those types of guys...
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Hey, erybody, look at Ty!
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He's a pit-browed burger jockey.
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(Hearty laughing)
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Rudy?
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He said I could.
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Rudy, ok, it's that creepy, old fisherman.
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You guys aren't buying into
that dumb ghost story, are you?
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- No.
- Little bit.
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I mean, no.
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I warned you.
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Dude, I don't know what's scarier:
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Your high-speed vampire travel,
or the booger in your nose.
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You got a serious bat in the cave, bro.
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Told you to leave before it was too late.
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Well, it's too late.
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Look, guys...
Longshanks, he's gone.
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- What?
- What?
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Oh, no no.
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The fisherman said that
longshanks would return
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with the lunar eclipse and take
revenge on anyone on the wharf.
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Look, it's happening.
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Oh, no.
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Rudy, calm down.
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There has to be a logical
explanation for this.
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No need to freak out.
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(Grunting)
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The spirit locked the
door, we can't get in.
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We're doomed, we're doomed!
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Pull.
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We're doomed!
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Hey, come on
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kickin' it with you.
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It sure was nice of your
cousin to let us borrow
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his motor home to get
here. We made great time.
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Oh, yeah, it helped not
having to make bathroom stops.
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Yeah.
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Wait, there's no bathroom in there.
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There is now.
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Hey, yo, where'd the moon go?
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Oh, tonight's the lunar eclipse.
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Strange events that you can't
explain are known to happen.
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Yeah, sure they are.
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Oh, they gave me their phone numbers.
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Okay, I can't explain that.
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Okay, we're next.
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Remember, mama G is very strict about
how you order, so watch and do it
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just the way I do, okay?
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Hello, mama G.
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You're looking lovely today.
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Can I please have one of
your world-famous tamales?
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(Bell rings)
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Hello, mama G.
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May I please have one of
your world-famous tamales?
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(Bell rings)
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Oh, thank you. Looks delish.
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(Moaning)
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You know what this could use?
Just a smidge of hot sauce.
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(Gasping)
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No tamales for you!
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But it was just a smidge, just a smidge.
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Uh, no, no, mama G, mama G, forgive
him, he's a friend of mine.
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Oh, I'm sorry. I did not know that.
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In that case...
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No more tamales for you, either!
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- What?
- You are both banned.
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Who gets banned for a
smidge? It was just a smidge.
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Thanks a lot, Milton.
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You realize this is the last
tamale I'll ever get from mama G?
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You can't get this anywhere, man.
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It's a secret recipe.
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Wait a minute.
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No secret is safe from science.
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I can deconstruct that tamale and
know everything that's in it.
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And then we can make as
many tamales as we want.
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That's a great idea.
There's just one problem...
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I can't stop eating this thing!
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Stop it, just put it...
Get it out of your mouth.
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Will you...
Milton!
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Milton: They're ready!
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Whoo!
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Dude, these are even better than mama G's.
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I bet if we sold these, we could
drive mama G's out of business.
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Oh, let's do it.
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Bro, what is your secret recipe?
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I use the rarest, ttest, hoand t, the
red dragon. It only grows on the night
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of the lunar eclipse.
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Yeahone holiday my Nana
ate a red dragon Chile,
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when she bent over to pick up her gifts
she set the Christmas tree on fire.
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Let's cook.
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Man, this whole haunting of
the wharf thing is my fault.
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I'm what the paranormal
experts call "ghost candy."
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Okay, look Rudy, I'll admit it.
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There are some weird
things going on around here,
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but I'm sure you're the only one
that's overreacting this way.
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(Ty screams)
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The wharf is haunted!
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It's all real, and it's all my fault.
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I'm what paranormal
experts call "ghost bait."
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You? Please, they're not here for you.
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They're here for me.
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You mean to tell me, if you were
a tormented spirit from beyond,
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you wouldn't be all over... this?
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Not if I had the option of this.
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Oh, really? Well what about this?
188
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Uh, that's nothing.
189
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Have you seen this?
190
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Okay okay okay okay.
191
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What you two are doing is so
much scarier than any ghost.
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You guys are getting crazy
over some stolen bones.
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They weren't stolen.
Check this out...
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I went to tell security
about the missing bones
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and they showed me this footage
196
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from the surveillance
camera in the courtyard.
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Did you see that?
198
00:09:52,563 --> 00:09:54,398
Longshanks turned his
head right at the camera.
199
00:09:58,102 --> 00:09:59,102
Where'd he go?
200
00:10:02,306 --> 00:10:04,324
I've watched that 18
times and it still gets me.
201
00:10:04,359 --> 00:10:06,159
All right, I can't explain that video.
202
00:10:06,194 --> 00:10:09,162
But the one thing that I do
know is that ghosts are not real.
203
00:10:18,256 --> 00:10:21,341
You should start believing in ghosts, Jack.
204
00:10:25,129 --> 00:10:27,163
Because you're looking at one.
205
00:10:27,181 --> 00:10:28,348
Take the boy!
206
00:10:28,383 --> 00:10:29,499
(Screaming)
207
00:10:29,517 --> 00:10:31,468
(Laughing)
208
00:10:41,607 --> 00:10:44,526
Okay, guys, we have got to get out of here.
209
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,427
I've got a plan. We'll
sneak out the window,
210
00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:49,564
cut through the bowling alley, and go
out the back doors to the parking lot.
211
00:10:49,598 --> 00:10:51,533
Yeah, that's great. My
car is parked out front
212
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,485
in a sweet spot reserved
for pregnant women.
213
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:06,214
Wait a second, didn't I help you
with your groceries this morning?
214
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:08,333
Yep, you did. And I
meant to thank you...
215
00:11:08,384 --> 00:11:10,451
Not one of my eggs was broken.
216
00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,220
That's because I did some rearranging.
217
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:15,340
I made a little nest with the
bread, muffins, and tube socks.
218
00:11:15,391 --> 00:11:17,342
Guys, guys, listen.
219
00:11:18,394 --> 00:11:19,344
I don't hear anything.
220
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,147
I think longshanks is gone.
221
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:24,632
(Scowls)
222
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,152
(Whispers) He is so not gone.
223
00:11:27,236 --> 00:11:28,520
To the bowling alley.
224
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:33,191
I can't believe you stole
my night-vision goggles.
225
00:11:33,242 --> 00:11:35,360
What, you think they're gonna help
you see the ghost or something?
226
00:11:35,411 --> 00:11:37,279
No, it's so they don't poke my eyeballs.
227
00:11:37,313 --> 00:11:38,313
That's how they get you.
228
00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:41,199
Give 'em back.
229
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:43,168
- Absolutely no, no!
- Give 'em back.
230
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:46,171
Hey Rudy, there's a strange
mist coming from behind you.
231
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,206
Sorry, ghosts make me nervous.
232
00:11:48,257 --> 00:11:51,376
Uh, no, it's a fog, and seems
to be getting thicker.
233
00:11:51,427 --> 00:11:53,295
(Screams)
234
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,298
- Ty!
- Ty!
235
00:11:57,516 --> 00:11:59,301
Oh, no.
236
00:11:59,335 --> 00:12:00,552
Wait, he's gone.
237
00:12:00,603 --> 00:12:02,187
No!
238
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:04,389
They took Ty.
239
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:08,343
Ugh! That means he really is ghost bait.
240
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,344
Rudy, let's go.
241
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,617
This is the last batch today, people.
242
00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:19,354
So if you'll please form an orderly
line, we can get through all...
243
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:35,220
I'd love to see the look on mama G's
face when she realizes how much business
244
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,537
we're taking from her.
245
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:40,342
Yeah, that's pretty much how I imagined it.
246
00:12:40,376 --> 00:12:44,379
Word on the street is your
tamales are better than mine.
247
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:50,518
They. Are if you're not seeing it, I'm
fanning myself with a bunch of money.
248
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,274
Whoo!
249
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,527
- You cook for us now.
- (Scoffs)
250
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:02,280
- (Laughs) I don't think so.
- (Snaps fingers)
251
00:13:03,399 --> 00:13:07,402
Oh, are your big, powerful daughters
supposed to intimidate us?
252
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,455
Well, we will not be intimidated.
253
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:15,410
All right, sister. We can
do this the easy way...
254
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:17,595
Or the hard way.
255
00:13:19,348 --> 00:13:20,348
The easy way it is.
256
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:31,226
All right, all we have to do is
sneak through the bowling alley
257
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:32,427
and go out the back
door to the parking lot.
258
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,616
Rudy, it's another ghost. This is bad.
259
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:42,203
I know, if he picks up this
spare he's gonna beat my record.
260
00:13:44,273 --> 00:13:46,157
Hey, no no no no. That doesn't count.
261
00:13:46,208 --> 00:13:47,625
You stepped over the line.
262
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,244
Oh, and you're dead.
263
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:59,220
Longshanks: Get off me wharf.
264
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:02,257
Rudy, it's longshanks. Dude,
we gotta get out of here.
265
00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:07,395
No. No, they're comes a point in a man's
life when he has to stop running...
266
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,596
And start begging.
267
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:13,568
Oh great, dead pirate.
268
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,236
Will you please...
269
00:14:19,241 --> 00:14:21,242
Back to running. We're
going back to running.
270
00:14:29,251 --> 00:14:30,418
I can't cook anymore, man.
271
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:33,288
I made a thousand tamales
today. I'm all cooked out, man.
272
00:14:33,322 --> 00:14:34,289
I'm cooked out!
273
00:14:34,323 --> 00:14:35,540
Jerry, calm down.
274
00:14:35,591 --> 00:14:38,326
I have a plan to get us out of here.
275
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,261
See that machine over there?
276
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,630
It's an old automatic tamale maker.
277
00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:44,499
Every time I've gone on a bathroom break,
278
00:14:44,533 --> 00:14:47,168
I've worked on it. I made some adjustments
279
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:50,505
with some parts of a bicycle and I
linked it to the remote on my keychain.
280
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,390
- What's it gonna do?
- Mama g: Jerry.
281
00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:54,342
I want to talk to you.
282
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:01,483
You become almost as good a cook as Milton.
283
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,453
We are opening another location in Texas.
284
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:06,538
You going there.
285
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,373
He's not going anywhere.
286
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:11,159
Come on, Milton. This could
be a great opportunity for me.
287
00:15:11,193 --> 00:15:13,244
We're done cooking for you.
288
00:15:13,295 --> 00:15:15,246
Oh, is that right?
289
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:43,408
Let's go home, Jerry.
290
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:47,395
Hey, so you'll let me know
about the whole Texas thing?
291
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:48,496
We're going home, Jerry.
292
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,588
Go! No, quick, this way!
293
00:15:57,673 --> 00:15:59,257
Okay, we were wrong about that way!
294
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:00,258
Not that way.
295
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,376
- Let's go this way.
- Okay.
296
00:16:02,411 --> 00:16:03,428
Not that way.
297
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:04,412
Uh, let's go that way.
298
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:05,580
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
299
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:08,416
Excuse me, ghost pirates,
if there's any more
300
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,352
of you coming from this general dire...
Oh no, okay, here they are.
301
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,105
What are we gonna do, man?
302
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,390
Arrr!
303
00:16:15,424 --> 00:16:17,525
I told you to get off me wharf!
304
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,396
(Laughing)
305
00:16:31,373 --> 00:16:33,608
Rudy, we can't hit them
but they can hit us.
306
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,610
Oh, that is so not fair.
307
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,454
Wait, this makes no sense.
308
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:48,306
I can hit some of them but not others.
309
00:16:48,390 --> 00:16:49,390
I bet I can hit this one.
310
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,260
Nope, didn't hit that one.
311
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:03,321
Go and never return!
312
00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:14,165
(Clicks, humming)
313
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:15,316
Wait, that's it.
314
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:17,201
That's it, Rudy. They're being projected.
315
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:19,120
Some of the ghosts aren't real.
316
00:17:19,154 --> 00:17:20,338
They're just holograms.
317
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:22,323
Of course.
318
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,542
You can't hurt me. You're just a hologram.
319
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,595
That one's not a hologram.
320
00:17:32,334 --> 00:17:34,335
Don't go up there.
321
00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:36,521
It's scary.
322
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:43,394
No, wait wait, it's really scary.
323
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,615
Oh, come on, man! Please?
324
00:17:50,519 --> 00:17:52,186
Hey, Jack.
325
00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:55,239
Weirdest thing, the
ghosts locked us in here
326
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:57,542
and forced us to host a radio show.
327
00:17:58,627 --> 00:18:00,211
One sec...
328
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:03,197
And we're back, that was "lighthouse love"
329
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:05,249
going out to Dwight from Wanda.
330
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:06,534
And now a word from our sponsor.
331
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:14,509
Pick up some snappy cat cat food
and put some snap in your cat.
332
00:18:14,543 --> 00:18:15,560
(Clicks)
333
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:18,146
(Whirs down)
334
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,263
You were behind this whole thing?
335
00:18:20,382 --> 00:18:23,401
Hey, the two real guys ran away
once the holograms disappeared.
336
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:26,237
Ty?
337
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,409
Oh, I see what's going on here.
338
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:35,396
The pirate ghosts forced you to host
some sort of demonic radio show.
339
00:18:37,499 --> 00:18:39,283
Ty was behind everything.
340
00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:41,202
I told you, Rudy...
Ghosts aren't real.
341
00:18:41,236 --> 00:18:44,255
He tricked us by using
holograms and real people.
342
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:47,542
Hmm, the old projected
hologram pirate ghost
343
00:18:47,576 --> 00:18:51,179
mixed with non-projected living man
dressed like a pirate ghost routine.
344
00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:53,464
I didn't know what else to do.
345
00:18:53,515 --> 00:18:56,300
I thought if I scared you off,
my students might come back.
346
00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:59,187
(Crying) So I used the
myth of the lunar eclipse
347
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:03,274
and spent the last of my savings on this
state-of-the-art hologram projector.
348
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,311
Yeah, this is getting a little awkward.
349
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:08,363
I think I'll just step out.
350
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:14,235
Oh, name's Shecky Gorkman,
demonic voice impersonator.
351
00:19:14,269 --> 00:19:17,205
Oh, I knew you sounded familiar.
352
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:20,458
Weren't you the voice of that angry
baby in those diaper commercials?
353
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:23,444
(Demonic voice) Change me, mommy.
354
00:19:26,281 --> 00:19:27,465
Please don't call the police.
355
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:30,451
There's gotta be some way I
can make it up to you guys.
356
00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:32,503
Ty, it's not just us.
357
00:19:32,554 --> 00:19:35,590
You ruined pirate fest, and
cost people a lot of money.
358
00:19:35,624 --> 00:19:36,591
How are you gonna make it up to 'em?
359
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,261
I think I've got an idea.
360
00:19:46,468 --> 00:19:47,485
Hey, kids.
361
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:50,405
Juts five bucks to play blast the pirate.
362
00:19:51,573 --> 00:19:52,573
Who's next?
363
00:19:54,643 --> 00:19:56,360
This is a great idea, Rudy.
364
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:58,145
This will make up for the
all the money that was lost.
365
00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:18,433
Nice shot.
366
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,518
There you go.
367
00:20:24,606 --> 00:20:26,474
I don't want the panda.
368
00:20:27,526 --> 00:20:29,610
I want that big banana.
369
00:20:41,290 --> 00:20:43,491
I thought you turned off
the holographic projector?
370
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:46,294
I did.
371
00:20:47,529 --> 00:20:49,464
I think we learned something
very important today.
372
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,465
What's that?
373
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,500
I really am ghost candy.
374
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,595
Kickin' it with you.
375
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:05,730
Yo, what is this thing?
376
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,565
It's the latest in hologram
projection technology.
377
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,634
It can generate up to
50 different characters.
378
00:21:09,652 --> 00:21:10,768
Rudy said not to touch the settings.
379
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:13,822
Oh hey, Julie.
380
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,940
This is my new girlfriend, tera.
381
00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:18,943
She's a supermodel and 100% real.
382
00:21:24,816 --> 00:21:28,837
You know, I'm just gonna leave you
two here for a little girl talk.
383
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:32,874
Who touched the settings?!
384
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:38,930
(Theme music playing)
385
00:21:38,980 --> 00:21:43,530
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